Friday, May 4, 2007

coffee table; sheeted; (rewrite)

coffee table; sheeted.

i don't believe in seeing sleep. and i
don't think it's something that we need...
as these, the shoed--the is, in midnight-run, the
fumble caught her ankled stump, while

meow meow--the table kittied noises.

oh table, scream so loud; meet eye, and sheet
beleaves: to keep me your eyes that key that be; while,
we, angered, lip to silent the linening white--with

a moo moo from you, tripped across the room.

and lone, to noise, i metronomed away, while,
all keyed in the streets, from her, from you, 'till

boom boom--some children mound a boom. these

steepled children sound themselves a muse.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

i think the line that stands out most for me is "the table kittied noises." possibly because i'm a fan of turning nouns into verbs, but also because it is descriptive in a way that everyone will "see" in their heads differently. does that make any sense?

zachary said...

i think that you're right, sam. i like that alot. i was worried that that line stood out too much. what do you think?

i'm/was afraid that it becomes inconsistent.

zach.